“I’m fine thank you, and you?”


Polite communication after divorce is not rocket science.

Here is an example:

Q: “How are you?”

A: “I’m fine thank you,  and you?”

R: “Fine, thank you.”  Polite and responsive.

Poor communication (mean, rude, snarky and virtually always non-responsive) is sometimes the only weapon left in the armory for someone who wants to be hurtful. Especially if you’re over it and they are definitely not.

Here is a sample:

Q: “How are you?”

A: “Why is that your business?”

Or, an extreme but true example from one of my cases:

Q: “Hi, are we signing daughter up for soccer this season?”

A: “You do know that you’re everything that is dark and wrong with the world, right?”

It is really difficult to be the bigger person when faced with rude communication. And rude communication comes in so many forms; texts (!), emails, phone calls, letters, notes, and in the worst cases, through the kids themselves.

The “Keep Calm and …” thing is a bit overdone, but I think this particular one is perfect for divorced and/or separating parents:


Being calm and being polite go together.  And neither are easy when you are dealing with an angry ex. But you do it for your kids. Being the person who de-escalates conflict makes you a hero. Seriously, a hero. Because anyone can respond in kind and very few are able to breathe, stay calm and be polite.

That person wants you to get angry. They want to fight.  It’s all they’ve got left in terms of keeping you hooked in.  Breathe, keep calm, be polite.

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